Visit with Dad

I had been going down to visit every month, over the same week for the last year. We had all been meeting for dinner on Sunday each visit. I would call my father on the drive down and "remind him".

This visit call was different. He was distracted when he answered the phone. He told me he had another appointment. I understood he was stressed about business and things had been rough for him, althought he rarely admitted them. What bothered me was his tone. I was an inconvenience.

I guess it hit a nerve. I truly felt that he did not love me as much as he loved Scott. That I had to hunt him down when I was a teenager, that he didn't really pursue the relationship. I was a second thought, unwanted. A reminder of a bad marriage.

Rage then hurt, then self doubt entered my mind. What had I done for him to be mad at me? I was always trying to gain my father's acceptance and never felt good enough.

No, I hadn't done anything. I am important. I am valuable. I had to stand up for myself. He couldn't just brush me off. If he wanted/needed to change plans, he should apologize and make new arrangements, like anyone else would. Not ignore me and brush me off.